spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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