all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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