i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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