I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize