dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
