Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
