I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
