Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he puts the penis in happiness.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
