smell my finger.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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