I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
