So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
