Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
