office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
