so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
