is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
