just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
