Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I will pee on everything he values.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize