the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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