i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
