Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
