dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
