he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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