can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
