I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
