pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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