What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
