M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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