And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
