sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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