her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
