uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
