I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
