Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
