flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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