don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
