just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
