Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
