why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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