Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I intend to get homeless drunk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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