did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize