Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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