Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
