Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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