Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
