okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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