I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
