I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
