dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
