are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize