i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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