shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
