just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
