went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it because I queefed?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think i got beer on your cat.
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