Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
