How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
