The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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