I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
