Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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