I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize