if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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