Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
