your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
