i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Shame - the story of my life.
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