Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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