If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize