I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
