I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
