in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found the puke drawer
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
