How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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