how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
