thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
